It has been an incredibly stressful month for me - so much so that my heart rhythm has been annoyingly erratic. I've fallen short of personal goals, had to bury pride and admit failure, my job funding is in jeopardy, my husband is stressed and working 80+ hours a week, my best friend STILL has stage IV cancer, and my mother disowned me - and my children - because I want to change my name to Paxton. Bad month.
And yet, as I look around me this morning, my overwhelming emotion is one of gratitude. There is so much good in my life - sometimes I just need to step back and really acknowledge it. First and foremost is my family: I'm married to my best friend - who for some bizarre reason believes I'm wonderful. We have three incredible children - and are able to homeschool them. I love watching them explore and learn. And cuddles. Cuddles are great. I also love to see all three of them (even the five year old) curled up with a book. We have a housefull of furry critters, wrapping themselves around our legs and our hearts. We have a home that, while still needing renovation (1900's house), manages to nourish our souls. I'm finally managing to keep on top of housework and food - so I feel more at peace. I have good friends - some who have been around for decades, others that will be. I have an outlet for my writing. I have people actually READING my ponderings - and telling me they enjoy them! I can't begin to explain how much joy that brings me.
Life is good. Not perfect, but that's good, too.
I even have a sport! Me - the non-athletic Un-Runner! I think it's time to start off with babysteps on that avenue, as well. I was pushing myself so hard, before. And at 5 miles I get incredible hip pain. After I did the 12.8 miles I couldn't move for two days. I think I need to get back to basics and concentrate on quality, not quantity. My run/walk ratio has decreased to mostly walking, so that I can cover the distance. It's time to concentrate on health and fitness rather than distance. It's time to start applying babysteps to other areas of my life.
It's time.
Paxton, The Un-Runner
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Calling all imperfect people!
Yay! Some people are still out there! Thank you!
Last month I mentioned getting inundated with kittens - we actually kept TWO of them, a male and a female. The third kitten was taken directly to the animal shelter -and I was terrified for a week that more would appear. We've named the kittens Hobbs and Molly - and they're quite cute. More importantly - the children are taking care of them! The girls empty the litter box TWICE a day - one girl gets the morning, the other the evening. I ended up making chore charts for the children AND for me (because I'm brain-damaged, apparently, and stand in the middle of the room going, "What should I do now?"). They've really helped us all.
If anyone identifies with my brain-damaged approach to organization, I highly recommend www.flylady.net. She's the one who taught me the importance of babysteps. I must add, I've been learning from her for several (or more) years now - and it's just now starting to sink in. (brain-damaged AND stubborn - don't you envy me?) Actually I tend to jump off the deep end and think I can do things differently, better, by NOT following anyone else's advice. Then I get overwhelmed, then paralyzed by the thought of failing, or wiped out because of super-human effort, and end up right back where I started. I'm slooowly learning that it's better to do something, imperfectly - than to be frozen until I can do it "perfectly".
The need to be "perfect" - or at least to appear perfect - has kept me from really growing and living the life I want. I need to spend less time trying to be perfect - and more time trying to be me!
And having a cute purring kitten on your lap doesn't hurt!
Paxton
Last month I mentioned getting inundated with kittens - we actually kept TWO of them, a male and a female. The third kitten was taken directly to the animal shelter -and I was terrified for a week that more would appear. We've named the kittens Hobbs and Molly - and they're quite cute. More importantly - the children are taking care of them! The girls empty the litter box TWICE a day - one girl gets the morning, the other the evening. I ended up making chore charts for the children AND for me (because I'm brain-damaged, apparently, and stand in the middle of the room going, "What should I do now?"). They've really helped us all.
If anyone identifies with my brain-damaged approach to organization, I highly recommend www.flylady.net. She's the one who taught me the importance of babysteps. I must add, I've been learning from her for several (or more) years now - and it's just now starting to sink in. (brain-damaged AND stubborn - don't you envy me?) Actually I tend to jump off the deep end and think I can do things differently, better, by NOT following anyone else's advice. Then I get overwhelmed, then paralyzed by the thought of failing, or wiped out because of super-human effort, and end up right back where I started. I'm slooowly learning that it's better to do something, imperfectly - than to be frozen until I can do it "perfectly".
The need to be "perfect" - or at least to appear perfect - has kept me from really growing and living the life I want. I need to spend less time trying to be perfect - and more time trying to be me!
And having a cute purring kitten on your lap doesn't hurt!
Paxton
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
The Elusive Un-Runner
So....is anybody still out there? I know I abandoned you for awhile - I'm sorry. I was having growing pains.
This blog has been about setting goals, and reaching them. About succeeding. I didn't feel worthy of posting when I wasn't successful. I'm learning to accept that part of being successful is your reaction to failure. So I'll share my recent milestones with you...
Pro: In July I could barely run/walk to the mailbox, today I've gone 12.8 miles!
Con: I had planned to go 26 miles.
Pro: I raised $1600 for The Wellness Community! Wow!
Con: I was supposed to raise $2500, and planned on $5000. Fundraising was a LOT harder than I thought. Mostly because I HATE asking people for money!
Pro: I met some great people, and had fun doing something I never thought I'd do!
Con: I'm not going to Jamaica to participate in the marathon. They offered to let me go - but this way all the money I raised goes to The Wellness Community, not my trip. I realize it was the journey that I needed - the actual event I don't mind missing.
Pro: I actually enjoy running - how weird is that?
Pro: I love writing, and having people read my ponderings.
Yes, I missed my goals - but I'm still so much better off than where I started. And so is The Wellness Community, thanks to my NOT going to Jamaica. I'm learning to take babysteps to reach my goals, and to NOT strive for perfection. It's working well at home - it's time for me to start applying that to my goals, as well. I'm NOT perfect - and I'm learning to live with it!
Let me know if you're still out there!
Paxton, The Un-Runner
This blog has been about setting goals, and reaching them. About succeeding. I didn't feel worthy of posting when I wasn't successful. I'm learning to accept that part of being successful is your reaction to failure. So I'll share my recent milestones with you...
Pro: In July I could barely run/walk to the mailbox, today I've gone 12.8 miles!
Con: I had planned to go 26 miles.
Pro: I raised $1600 for The Wellness Community! Wow!
Con: I was supposed to raise $2500, and planned on $5000. Fundraising was a LOT harder than I thought. Mostly because I HATE asking people for money!
Pro: I met some great people, and had fun doing something I never thought I'd do!
Con: I'm not going to Jamaica to participate in the marathon. They offered to let me go - but this way all the money I raised goes to The Wellness Community, not my trip. I realize it was the journey that I needed - the actual event I don't mind missing.
Pro: I actually enjoy running - how weird is that?
Pro: I love writing, and having people read my ponderings.
Yes, I missed my goals - but I'm still so much better off than where I started. And so is The Wellness Community, thanks to my NOT going to Jamaica. I'm learning to take babysteps to reach my goals, and to NOT strive for perfection. It's working well at home - it's time for me to start applying that to my goals, as well. I'm NOT perfect - and I'm learning to live with it!
Let me know if you're still out there!
Paxton, The Un-Runner
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