Small breasted women of the world - take heart!

I was always tall and thin. Used to hear the jokes, growing up....."Turn her sideways and she disappears" and "What sticks out further, her nose or her chest???"

Yup. Funny stuff. Really. The comedic talent of those around me never ceased to amaze.

And....I rather liked my chest! They were small (b-cup) but perky! Let's face it - they had personality!

And then I birthed, and nursed, three children. The youngest nursed til he was three. His favorite trick was to latch on, plant his feet on my belly and catapult himself over my shoulder. Without letting go.

I knew things had "changed" chestwise. Perky was certainly a thing of the past. But "womanly" was ok, too. I searched for bras that hiked my now non-perky friends up to a more acceptable position. I even sought out the help of an older woman at the Penney's store for fitting advice. I eventually threw out my 34B's and accepted my post-baby 40C's.

But I hated buying - and wearing the bras that fit now. They were old lady hassocks, ugly and frumpy. When I tried a prettier bra - nothing fit. Body parts stuck out at weird angles, or lounged down on my belly as if in defeat. Not to mention, trying on bras while juggling THREE small children is a sanity tester by itself!

Last Sunday I went shopping with a girl friend - sans the six children who usually accompany us. I once more struggled to find a less hideous bra. I drug my friend into the act who immediately announced I was wearing the wrong size. [Apparently Oprah did a show recently - Bless that woman!]

Yesterday I left the children with Grandma long enough to be fit at Nordstroms. Here's to Sasha, the certified fitter (it says so right on her business card) who settled me into a large dressing room, did her magic with the measuring tape, and then spent the next hour bringing me bras for my approval. I entered in a frumpy, old-lady bra measuring 38C and left in a blue lacy number in the size.....ready? 34DDD! Triple D! Me - the chestless one! [now, some stores refer to that as 34E - but that makes me think of E for Elephants - so I MUCH prefer the DDD!]

I am woman, watch me strut!

I called my husband with the news..."The good news, honey, is that your wife is STACKED!....The bad news...it's almost impossible to find a bra in 34DDD for less than $50!" He seemed to consider it a fair trade. Bless his little male heart.

The funny part.....I still don't look like I have large breasts. In fact, the new bras are "minimizing" -so I actually looked bigger before. But my button down shirts fit better!

I'm thinking these bras were designed by women and I need to find one (just ONE!) that was designed by a man! "Well....HELLO! How lovely to meet all THREE of you!"

In the meantime - I'm walking tall! (and ma, check out my posture!)

A Sense of History

I hear children screaming. It must be Monday.

We're taking a break from formal learning right now - so apparently the children just scream because it's Monday - not because they don't want their new Latin vobabulary words. Good to know.

Actually, I have only two children screaming. The eldest is spending a few days with Grandma. She's riding her bike to the beach, going swimming, and making friends with the children of MY old playmates! I like the sense of continuity.

It's funny - I've always been one for moving on - new places, new challenges. The Beach house has been my only constant in life. And, as it turns out, that's important to me. Who knew?

Here's to enjoying life's simple pleasures, my friends!

The Universe - 9,371: Me - 0

Sometimes my life feels like an "I Love Lucy" show. You know, where whatever CAN go wrong - WILL!

Case in point: I have been endeavoring to improve my image. When we moved to the country I was thrilled that I could roll out of bed and trundle off to the local stores in whatever was handy & comfortable and STILL be considered presentable.

And then you clean the mirror and realize that YOU have become the frumpy hag you never wanted to be! Hence, the makeover.

I've become zealous about using my fantastic Tarrah skin-care line (I'm also a distributor - but haven't done anything with it - yet!) so that my face is smooth, soft, and glowing. I've also used the Tarrah foot care system - but need to do it again! I'm dressing well upon waking, AND doing hair and makeup. That's it - I want to be the womyn who can handle anything - and STILL keep her lipstick on straight. If only I could stop eating it off. {{sigh}}

All this sounds good - right? Enter the laughing Universe.

Ever since my new approach - "things" are happening. I'm looking polished and professional as I herd my children into a local store. I happen to glance down and realize that my 5 year old - the one who reads fluently AND is learning Latin - has apparently FORGOTTEN how to use a toilet - and simply doesn't care!! He actually had several "potty issues" that week - all of them involving me dealing with them in heels and lipstick.

And then there was the bank incident. I can't even blame this one on the kids - I was alone. The bank moved their ATM - it's now in the wall of the drive-thru. The first time I used it I hadn't gotten close enough to the wall, and could barely reach the thing. Now I was determined to correct that mistake -and pulled in quite closely. I was making a deposit, and the machine asks if you want an envelope (they no longer have them just sitting there - the machine will give you ONE).

Unfortunately, I fumbled the envelope, and it fell outside the car. And I can't get the door of the car open far enough to get out. So....I'm leaning, stretching (most likely also cursing) and finally repositioning myself so that my leg (I'm 5'11") can pull the envelope close enough that I can stretch down and pick it up. Meanwhile the ATM is beeping at me - but not offering any more envelopes OR giving me back my bankcard. All of this - on film. I'm so proud. Oh well, at least my lipstick was on straight!

The Universe has a whacky sense of humor - and doesn't want us to take ourselves too seriously, apparently.

Luckily, laughing at myself has always been easy. Too easy. {{sigh}}

Enjoy!

Savings vs Sanity

Some people brake for sales.

Me - I drag three cranky children hours out of my way, battle 100 degree temperatures, then put myself within touching distance of variously sized smelly people wearing way too much spandex (and shouting obscenities) just to claim my bags of "clearance" merchandise. Between the gas, food, bribes & recovery alcohol involved - it would have paid me to have Nordstroms deliver to my door.

Wait! I forgot to mention the 9,000 potty stops! And the sticky floors!

And then there's the.....returns.

I've returned five items in the last 2 days - and now have to return the sandals I bought my husband yesterday. The nearest Kohl's is an hour away. What's wrong with me???

Obviously, I'm sanity challenged.

This morning I've been checking out www.drugstore.com and www.amazon.com (groceries). Both offer free shipping with orders over $25.00. I'm still going to have to hit Sam's Club or Costco once a month for pet food, coffee, peanut butter (three kids) and paper products. Not sure I see a way around that one!

I'm open to suggestions - does anyone have a favorite site for ordering the necessities of life????

Talk to me!