I have recently come to accept that I'm a grief monger. Unfortunately, I don't even do that right. The correct way is to use guilt to get your children, your husband, and anyone else in your path to do what YOU want them to do. I missed the memo where guilt was to be used to help me, and instead use it to beat myself about the head for things I SHOULD do. Or should have done. And when I forget to take the blame for something - other folks are always there to point out my shortcomings!
Case in point...I took my eldest daughter (8.75 years old)for an eye exam yesterday. I made the appointment last week, after realizing she was having difficulty reading a word across the room without moving closer. I was pretty sure she needed glasses, and spent the week convincing her it could be "cool". We even went and looked at frames so she could get an idea of what she liked. I knew I was right on when she faced her first wall chart - and couldn't read anything! Turns out her vision is 20/100. A bit worse than I was expecting. The doctor (whom I like and respect) seemed to think this was a tad negligent of me - and urged me to get the younger children tested. Actually, Jesse was just screened at the doctor's last month - and passed with 20/40 vision. The optometrist disagreed with the "pass" and feels that she needs glasses now, too. I'm not sure, especially as we homeschool and she doesn't depend on distance vision for learning.
Have you ever noticed that, as parents, we seem to be continually falling short of other peoples standards??? Even the vision tech yesterday gave me the "unbelieving stare" when I told her that it was Kathryn's choice whether to accept the eye drop dilation. That she was welcome to explain to Kathryn why it was important - but Kathryn was allowed the final choice. She chose to get the eyedrops. And later, she picked out frames she loved - even though they weren't my first choice. (I still think she was stunning in the dark purple plastic frames...ah well.)
It's funny how people differ in their interpretation of our parenting. Some think we're way too strict - because we don't have network or cable television, we don't buy the latest, greatest toys - and most of the stuff we do buy has an educational bent. Others think we let them run wild because they get to make some of their own educational choices (with the exception of grammar and math), they're never forced to sit quietly and pretend they're invisible (although that would be handy, sometimes) and they're always allowed to voice a differing opinion. They don't always - or usually - win - but they're always heard. I'm learning - as they grow and explore their world - more of what I want to be when I finally grow up. :)
Oh yeah, running! Yup, I'll have time today to do some of that! Tune in later!
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2 comments:
You only fall short of other peoples standards when you don't conform. That's the old why can't they be just like me syndrome. Kudos to you for keeping your family outside the box.
I have learned to stop spending any time at all caring what type of parent other people think I am. Unless I'm doing something abusive or destructive, who cares what they think. I didn't have cable growing up, and I think I'm OK. And there is nothing wrong with including your kids in decision making, when it's regarding their life. I think you probably knew she would opt for the correct path in taking the drops.. it's sometimes easier to allow them to think it was actually their choice.
Keep up the good work :) And stop worrying about the stares. Most of the people staring probably don't even have kids. And if the doctor wants to scoff, remind him there are plenty of parents that wouldn't have even noticed their child was having issues reading at a distance... let alone that would have bothered taking them to the doctor. These things cost $$.
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