Friday, July 27, 2007

Small breasted women of the world - take heart!

I was always tall and thin. Used to hear the jokes, growing up....."Turn her sideways and she disappears" and "What sticks out further, her nose or her chest???"

Yup. Funny stuff. Really. The comedic talent of those around me never ceased to amaze.

And....I rather liked my chest! They were small (b-cup) but perky! Let's face it - they had personality!

And then I birthed, and nursed, three children. The youngest nursed til he was three. His favorite trick was to latch on, plant his feet on my belly and catapult himself over my shoulder. Without letting go.

I knew things had "changed" chestwise. Perky was certainly a thing of the past. But "womanly" was ok, too. I searched for bras that hiked my now non-perky friends up to a more acceptable position. I even sought out the help of an older woman at the Penney's store for fitting advice. I eventually threw out my 34B's and accepted my post-baby 40C's.

But I hated buying - and wearing the bras that fit now. They were old lady hassocks, ugly and frumpy. When I tried a prettier bra - nothing fit. Body parts stuck out at weird angles, or lounged down on my belly as if in defeat. Not to mention, trying on bras while juggling THREE small children is a sanity tester by itself!

Last Sunday I went shopping with a girl friend - sans the six children who usually accompany us. I once more struggled to find a less hideous bra. I drug my friend into the act who immediately announced I was wearing the wrong size. [Apparently Oprah did a show recently - Bless that woman!]

Yesterday I left the children with Grandma long enough to be fit at Nordstroms. Here's to Sasha, the certified fitter (it says so right on her business card) who settled me into a large dressing room, did her magic with the measuring tape, and then spent the next hour bringing me bras for my approval. I entered in a frumpy, old-lady bra measuring 38C and left in a blue lacy number in the size.....ready? 34DDD! Triple D! Me - the chestless one! [now, some stores refer to that as 34E - but that makes me think of E for Elephants - so I MUCH prefer the DDD!]

I am woman, watch me strut!

I called my husband with the news..."The good news, honey, is that your wife is STACKED!....The bad news...it's almost impossible to find a bra in 34DDD for less than $50!" He seemed to consider it a fair trade. Bless his little male heart.

The funny part.....I still don't look like I have large breasts. In fact, the new bras are "minimizing" -so I actually looked bigger before. But my button down shirts fit better!

I'm thinking these bras were designed by women and I need to find one (just ONE!) that was designed by a man! "Well....HELLO! How lovely to meet all THREE of you!"

In the meantime - I'm walking tall! (and ma, check out my posture!)

5 comments:

JJ said...

As the husband in this story I'd just like to say that I have always tried to be supportive of my wife's needs. This is just one more burden that I must bare ;)

I'd also like to say, that the chest size is not the only thing enlarged, but I still love her.

The subversive housewife said...

Peh, men. I noticed that the proper sized bra also transformed the previously "pendulous" (according to a midwife's note in my prenatal chart) into neat little(ish) packages, too. Nifty, huh? Can't wait to see (in a totally non-ogling way!)!

JJ said...

For those who are not bright enough to figure out what I was talking about (read Unrunner), I was talking about her head being swollen.

Geez!!!

Rae! said...

What a size difference.I am getting one of the Oprah bras.I have heard nothing but the best about them.For runners of us who are large breast it is hard to find a good support bra to keep from hitting self in the face.:)

Anonymous said...

I know this is an old post, but I love it!! Too funny!! I had a bad experience once with a Victoria Secret "Certified Fitter", I was getting fitted for a strapless bra for my wedding day. I went in 36C and come out a 34B. NOT HAPPY.