Daring to Disagree

Here's a question for the Universe...

How do you disagree with good friends without things turning ugly? It's taken me a long time to get to the place where I'll actually tell a friend they've hurt my feelings - that the situation could have been handled differently. I used to always bury my feelings and pretend nothing had happened - because I knew the friend would feel attacked if I dared to share that I felt hurt by her words or her choices.

Now I speak up, rewriting many times, until I'm able to share my feelings with a friend without sounding accusing. (because I don't filter too well face to face) Doesn't seem to matter. No matter how gently I think I'm treading I squash someone's tail.

What's the solution? Not saying anything in the first place? Letting things blow up, then moving on without addressing the problem?

Disagreements are a part of life, a part of relationships. What's the best way to handle them???