Part Two

This is the close up of the cake (yes cake - these are NOT real vegetables!) They're hand made of marzipan. See the whole cake in the earlier post! And, as Angela pointed out, I forgot to mention that she knits!!! Gloves, socks, everything. And boobs - she knits boobs. Uses them as bookends, actually. Her twins just try to nurse on them. Too cute!

Let Them Eat Cake!

I have amazing friends. This particular friend is Angela - and she made this BIRTHDAY CAKE for her daughter's sixth birthday! The writing says "Happy Birthday Bailey", and said 6 year old REQUESTED a Chinese birthday theme. I love homeschooling! [Eat socks, Barney!] I can't get the close-up of the marzipan lo mein to load, but it is absolutely amazing!

Angela's the Martha Stewart of creativity. She sews, she cooks, she bakes....and she actually finishes things! I plan, purchase materials, and begin....and then the vision in my head collides bloodily with my actual talent -or lack thereof. I borrowed Angela's cake decorating kit to make Kathryn's birthday cake - note you NEVER saw a picture of the finished product. The kids liked it- and we'll stop there. {{{sigh}}}

I think I'll have to stick to writing. I'm actually working on a childrens' book - inspired by my find at a used book store this weekend. I came across the Coronation Souvenir Book from 1937. Wonderful articles and pictures of King George VI and the Princess Elizabeth. Now I just have to find time and space to actually be creative, which is difficult when surrounded by whining children. It's too cold for them to play outside - so they're using their favorite alternate playground, which is anywhere within three feet of ME!

John actually took all three to the YMCA yesterday - and I got 4+ blessed hours ALONE! I spent an hour simply listening to the silence, then an hour cleaning. By then, the lack of distractions had allowed my creative streak to be heard once more. I spent the next two hours crocheting, baking biscotti, and playing with different scenarios for books. I want to write. I will write. I must write!

But first, I must open the peanut butter.

Insanity, anyone???

It's happened. The cold, the children and/or the day-to-day insanity have finally permuted my last vestiges of sanity. They'll find me in the spring, huddled under a down blanket clutching an empty wine bottle and my collection of "Baby Blues" cartoon books.

It's been too cold to move. The kitchen, despite my occasional efforts at shoveling off the counters, has deteriorated to "call the health department" standards. We did manage a couple of loads of laundry before the drains froze, so that's something. The wind has been so fierce that not only are the blankets covering the door swaying - the door's swaying, too!

My darling husband did come home early last night to un-freeze the drains. He had to crawl under the house - but didn't quite fit. He ended up duct-taping a hair dryer to a 2x4. I didn't notice till this morning that he left the bathroom AND bathtub filled with all his assorted tools - and never re-plugged the heater back in - so the bathroom was about 5 degrees. I decided this was my cue to NOT do laundry or take a hot bath. rucka rucka rucka. (I figure the drain has re-frozen - and that I just DON'T CARE!!!!)

I managed to haul my brood out the door BEFORE 7:30 am today to attend our weekly homeschool co-op. I tried to talk them into canceling because of the cold - but was told that's NOT an acceptable reason. Yeah, at least half the folks weren't there - something about burst water pipes and such. On the positive front - the kids were too cold to be bouncing off walls - and the "kicker" was absent.

Of course, my son, Gabriel, was kicked out of two classes today. One of them mine. He's five, and doesn't like large groups - much like his parents. His way of dealing, however, is to attach himself to my backside and whine. ?????? He was MUCH better in an alternate class. But he was also starting Tai Kwan Do - and the teacher grabbed me immediately after class, telling me my son just wasn't participating or following the instructions. Since I was busy trying to peel him off of my backside at the moment - I only agreed that he was being a PIA today. Later I talked with the teacher, and realized that he's NEVER expressed any interest in martial arts or fighting - and hates both large groups and following exacting directions. He'd much rather go under the table and read a book. A chapter book, the mother of the 5 year old bragged. (but only Scooby-Doo or Captain Underpants - so it's really not THAT impressive) I thought about it - and moved him to another, smaller class. And, he'll have one less class with "the kicker" - so that's good!

So...here I sit. Typing and drinking wine, trying to block the sounds of children playing six inches from my head. At least I hear them talking about different countries. The fire's burning happily -which means I soon have to go OUTSIDE to bring in more wood. Ugh. and brrrr.... I'd go hide in my room - but they'll need food soon. {{{sigh}}} Oh yeah, and I have to re-package the bread I brought home - the kittens tore open the bag and ate 1/4 loaf. I hate animals. And children. And cold....

If I haven't posted again in a week - send out search parties!!!!

All I want is a room somewhere..

Far away from the cold night air
And an enormous chair
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?

I tried to find a picture of Eliza Doolittle warming her hands, but failed. In short - I'm COLD!!!! And I'm inside, relatively near the raging woodstove. Doesn't seem to matter, my fingers and toes are frigid. Yup, it's below 20 degrees and our walls have disappeared.

Not even tea is helping me warm up - perchance it's time for a hot bath and a cuppa something stronger??? (besides, my brown betty teapot fell apart a few days ago, so I'm back to tea bags. It's just NOT the same)

I hope it warms up soon - we're taking a field trip to Baltimore's Inner Harbor tomorrow morning, to visit the national aquarium. We haven't been to the aquarium since the kids were tiny - and that was a DISASTER! Three small children - and no strollers allowed. Hopefully, tomorrow will be MUCH better - especially because John's working, so it's just me!

Stay warm!

A Cup of Tea...

A friend and her children came over to play today. It was snowing slightly, and the children were giddy with excitement - not sure if the snow or the playmates tickled them more! I made lunch, Baked Pasta with Sausage, Tomatoes and Cheese, which was quite flavorful - and low in calories and fat. I'm really enjoying the recipes from Cooking Light.

A bit after lunch it was time for a cup of tea. My friend loves tea, but had never heard of my favorite company, Harney & Sons. I warned her that after experiencing the tea, she would instantly become a "tea snob" and want more. It happened. We enjoyed the last of my "Smokey Lapsang Souchong" then I showed her the Harney catalog. She's hooked. :) My favorite is "Sally's Secret", an Earl Grey mixed with rose hips. There's nothing like a good cup of tea and a good friend on a snowy day. Not even six children under the roof can diminish the pleasure! (well, ok - maybe a tad!)

The snow's gone, the friends are gone, the baked pasta and sausage dinner is almost gone. I have two kids in the tub, and another curled up on the couch, reading. Not a bad day.

Of course, homeschool co-op starts again tomorrow - and I still have to prepare for my classes. Also have to figure out if I'm going to the YMCA after co-op. We joined last night - so I have very little excuse for not getting into shape.

{{sigh}} This may call for yet another cup of tea....and perhaps some chocolate???

Brrrr...

Winter has arrived! (Now just remind me why I was complaining about balmy temperatures a few weeks ago?)The children have been thrilled by a few flutterings of snow - and run outside to sled down the mudhill. (it's the Eastern Shore - we take any sledding opportunity we can get. This was a pile of dirt.)

The woodstove is running nonstop - and the woodpile decreasing at an alarming rate. After our first winter here we invested in a new woodstove that uses soapstone to retain the heat. Love this thing - you can almost always get a fire started from just a pale ember. On the down-side - it's VERY efficient - so very little heat goes up the stove pipe. Unfortunately, our house (built 1900) was designed to bleed off the heat from the chimney to warm the 2nd level. Doesn't work so well, anymore. Ah well. At least I no longer worry about the chimney getting too hot and starting a fire. (one worry down, 9764 to go)

Living in an old house is.....different. I used packing tape to cover some cracks in the living room floorboards to deter the wind. At one point, the mice and I were on a first-name basis. And whenever the temperature falls below 20 degrees, the walls disappear. Seriously. There's no way to get warm. I usually grab the kids and head for a friend's house until the artic gale disappears.

And yet, I love our house. It's a work in progress. I love the fire-engine red 4 oven AGA that fits exactly into the spot once occupied by the wood-fired cookstove. (I found a used AGA - British cookstove - in our nearest town just as we bought this house. It was fate.) I love the old houses in our village, and the differences between them. I love that our kids can run free outside, and be safe. I thoroughly enjoy our neighbors. I like NOT having a rush hour.

Just remind me of all this, the next time the temperature drops and I start searching the web for a warmer geographic location!

Let it SNOW!

We have SNOW!!!! Very exciting here on the eastern shore of Maryland - we don't get much of the white stuff. I took advantage of hubby being home with the kids and hit the local Food Lion today (yeah, I know, but it's the ONLY grocery store around) and it was PACKED. Apparently an inch of snow could be a national emergency.

My new year's eating plan is going well - I think I'm down about 5lbs. Not quite sure because I bought a new scale a few days ago - and immediately went up about 7lbs. I'm rather impressed, because the weight loss included my eldest daughter's birthday week and the plethora of cake, cupcakes, fudge frosting and ice cream! [NEVER substitute egg beaters in your baking - it just doesn't work. Trust me.]

I still love the SmartGlobe by Oregon Scientific. My 5 year old was helping his father find Morocco, Turkey and Mali earlier. Gotta love it!

Ok, this seems like a boring post - or perchance a boring life. {{{sigh}}} We did go see "Arthur and the Invisibles" for Kathryn's birthday. It was quite good, although seeing Mia Farrow as Grandma is somewhat startling.

Yeah...that's all I've got. Sorry. Maybe something exciting will happen tomorrow {definition of "exciting": anything that doesn't involve cooking, cleaning, homeschooling or kamikaze kittens!}.

It's a wild, wonderful world!

Or globe, actually. I had bought the kids a GeoSafari Talking Globe by Educational Insights for Christmas - and returned it 2 days later. Poorly made to begin with, the questions it shot at you resembled a nasty teacher holding a switch. Learning should be fun - so back it went.

I remembered seeing one at Costco before Christmas. I used to buy everything at Costco, but I'm now 1.5 hours away. They have a phenomenal return policy - it's still well worth the trip. At any rate, they were no longer carrying the globe in the store, but I was able to order it through www.costco.com.

The SmartGlobe by Oregon Scientific arrived yesterday - it's amazing! My kids haven't put it down. (and that's after the battery in the pen died!) By using the pen you can click on any location and learn about it - currency, time, history, amazing fact, geography, etc. It even has a pull out blow-up of the United States to learn about individual states. There's a question mode - continents (I got one wrong - apparently Australia is no longer a continent - it's part of Oceania????), countries, cities or capitals. It gives hints when you have no idea where something is. It's absolutely wonderful. And...if it ever dies....Costco will take it back - no problem.

Ah, life is good. Especially with lemon white-chocolate biscotti to munch. Enjoy!

The Healthy Eating Craze

Life used to be so simple. If I was hungry I'd forage around until I found something acceptable to eat. If it was yucky I'd only eat enough to keep from fainting. If it was yummy I'd eat at much as I could hold, because you never knew when a wolverine would come around and snatch it from you! [husband and children count as would-be wolverines, just so you know. Actually I've been known to tell my kids there's nuts, or spinach, or some other entity I KNOW they won't eat in the scones or biscotti, just so I can eat more. Yes, I am evil, but I now repent.]

A few days ago, after listening to a friend, I began logging every bite I eat into this lovely free site, www.fitday.com. Who knew I was such a pig? Even on days when I think I'm eating well, my little pie showing my caloric distribution indicates half of my calories are from fat. [probably left over from the Atkins craze, when I ate all the butter and cream I wanted - and lost weight.] I'm not doing Atkins now, mostly because I LOVE baked goods - even when made with whole grains! In the last 36 hours I've made whole wheat bread and whole wheat scones, even sneaking some ground flax powder into the mix. Even got my kids to eat them by NOT putting in nuts, fruits, or coconut.

In case you didn't know, whole grains seem to be quite high in calories. I found this out when entering them into my daily food counter - YOWZA! It's hard to be healthy! I've been fighting to keep my total calories between 1500-1800. Emphasis on the fighting. Last night got an email from the girlfriend that got me on this particular bent.

"I hate when this happens. After dinner, all food accounted for, and I am at 839 calories. Obviously, I’m going to have to have another scone and a cup of hot chocolate (with marshmallows) later. I may even have to have a couple of pieces of Dove dark chocolate."

I promptly sent her off a one-word reply. I'll let your imagination figure out the word!

Go forth and eat well!

Paxton, drinking black coffee to save the calories!

Welcome 2007!

It's a whole new year! (rats, that means the video store coupon expired yesterday). We celebrated the end of 2006 with a "Loser's New Years Eve Party". In other words, a party for people with young children who tend to act like wild animals (or college coeds on spring break) when in groups. The party broke up before 8:30pm - and as much as we enjoyed each other - everyone was ready to go home and muzzle, medicate or mutilate their loving offspring.

Actually, we only had 5 adults and 9 children - but I'd swear the children were multiplying. In an attempt to lower the sound intensity in the living room I amended my "NO FOOD UPSTAIRS" law and encouraged them to take a bowl of pretzels upstairs - and LEAVE US ALONE! I began to sit near the hallway door and check packages when I realized one girl (who was grinning at me in an alarming way) was trying to smuggle a huge bowl of APPLESAUCE up to the bedroom! To be honest, I haven't investigated the kids' rooms this morning - there could be worse things already up there that I totally missed (and obviously smuggled by NON-grinning children).

John made stromboli for yesterday's gathering, and I made French bread and curried chicken salad. [The recipe's from Epicurous.com - Curried Turkey salad with cashews -and is absolutely AMAZING. I've been making it for years.] We're into breads right now. I even severely wounded my 20 year old food processor this week making French bread, and was forced to order a MUCH better one. Awwwww.

Back to the New Year's bent: many people make resolutions round about now, usually involving diet and exercise. A friend told me yesterday that her family does a New Year's Family Mission Statement, then frames and mounts it in a well-viewed spot. I like the idea! Her family's 2007 is entitled, "The Zen Year", and is all about de-stressing the home and the lives of those who reside there. Mine's not done yet, but will certainly touch on the importance of a restful, organized home. We've been doing MUCH better on that. I'm thinking ours will promote creativity this year. Promoting creativity in our home [I'm gonna get the walls painted if it KILLS me], creativity in education, in the kitchen, in our art [mine's writing, John's is digital photography with post-editing]. Hmmm...needs more work. I'll let you see the finished product.

What wonderful adventures await you in 2007? Let's start planning our lives and making informed choices, rather than just drifting along!

Happy New Year!

It's THAT time of year!

Anniversaries can be bittersweet. Today's December 29th....a year ago yesterday Theresa and I met at the IKEA outside of DC. We shopped, ate, played with our kids, and had a great day. Theresa was having a hard time catching her breath, and so far her doctor had been unable to figure out why. She was upset at being sick over the holidays, but determined to have fun, anyway. We went our separate ways that night, figuring we'd see each other in a few weeks (we live 2+ hours apart).

The next day, December 29th, I was cleaning and reorganizing the girls' room - and was knee-deep in assorted crap when the phone rang. It was Theresa, calling from the hospital. Her doctor had done a chest x-ray and sent her immediately to the ER. She was calling now because the doctors were scaring her. They were being very, very attentive. They were also pulling bloody fluid from her lung. None of this sounded good to me. I tried, and failed, to find someone to watch my kids so I piled them in the car and headed to Frederick. They had admitted her to the hospital, but were still running all kinds of tests. Something was going on, but they weren't telling us yet.

I returned to the hospital the next day, December 30th. Theresa was holding on to the hope that the doctors would soon tell her everything was fine, and kick her out. This had happened to me the previous year, after 12 hours of terrified hell. I had looked up "bloody lung fluid" online, and was now terrified. I now knew it couldn't be "nothing" - and was holding onto the hope that she had Lupus or TB - although the odds were slim.

She didn't. I was there when the doctor entered the room and began to tell us she had invasive breast cancer that had already spread to her lungs and spine. We sat there, weeping and terrified, trying to figure out what this really meant. We got on our cell phones, Theresa calling multiple friends and family, gathering everyone to her. I called my husband, who was busy with a new job he'd started the week before. I used the three word code that is always guaranteed to get action, "I need you". Everyone close to me knows that using this code will cause me to drop anything and everything and rally to the need at hand. My husband knew, although he had never heard me utter the words before, that he now had to do the same. He arrived three hours later.

The next couple of days are fuzzy. The only thing I really remember is going to Borders with Theresa, looking for books about dealing with breast cancer. The clerk advised us to look in the "Death and Dying" section - and I went postal. We eventually found the books in the "Health" section - where they belong! Betcha that clerk will NEVER make that mistake again! (can you say, "Crazy lady in the non-fiction section"????)

It's a year later. Theresa's in remission. She's left a bad marriage and is trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. Yesterday Theresa and I met at a Costco between DC and Baltimore. We shopped, laughed and ate, and eventually traded daughters. She's coming to my house later today and spending the night. I'm glad she's spending her cancerversary with me. I hope she spends many, many more here, too.

Here's to the future!

Merry Un-Christmas!

Christmas is over
The goose is dead and et.
The old man has no ha-penny
The old man has more debt!

Ah, Christmas is over. Well, except for the trashed house and the distinct feeling that I've eaten waaay too many cookies. Curses on me for finally finding the stove!

It was a good Christmas, low-key and comforting. The kids finally passed out on Christmas eve after we watched "The Santa Clause" movie and tracked Santa's flight with Norad. They woke up at TWO AM, convinced it was Christmas. They were finally convinced to sleep a while longer, and managed to stay abed until the grand old hour of six am. (Theresa's kids had to be dragged from bed at 10:30am).

Everybody has their own way of handling Christmas morning. Me...I go the MEAN route. I've never liked the frenzied "gimme" approach to Christmas morning, with everyone tearing into gifts like speed demons. We start with coffee (naturally)and stockings - then the kids play with the stocking tidbits for awhile. They take turns each opening a present, and then they play with the present before moving on. The kids don't get done until afternoon. This year the kids gave gifts to the grown-ups, and were anxiously awaiting the time for "their" gifts to be opened. It was fun.

Merry Un-Christmas, and Peace on Earth, my friends!

Oh Christmas Tree

Oh Christmas tree....how furry are your branches!
They dip and bounce with wild delight
The kittens playing out of sight.

Yup, we have a special tree this year, courtesy of the fuzzy wild ones. The kittens are thrilled with "their" tree - and the children spend the day re-hanging ornaments that are batted down. All the breakable ornaments stayed packed this year, and the tree is decorated with an odd assortment of cutesy and hand-made ornaments we've collected over the years. None of it my taste, actually - but I inherited them from my mom -and my kids love them. {{{sigh}}}

This is "dance hell" week at our house. The girls take both ballet and jazz, and this year the dance school decided to do a Christmas fundraiser program. They decided to put it on at the school to save money, but can only seat a limited audience, so they're doing it THREE nights - Wednesday, Thursday AND Friday. So my girls have three very long nights, plus normal classes last night and classes and dress rehearsal tonight. It's going to be a very, very long week.

Great. The kittens are wrestling....at the top of the Christmas tree. Oiy vey.

Dreams among the ashes

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed."

I have no idea who said that - but he had a good point. We, in fact, did NOT get high speed internet. They couldn't find the radio signal. They've promised we will eventually get it, but no clue as to when. And, to really make matters worse, my computer's acting up and things are 10 times SLOWER than normal. And normal is pretty darn slow!

Let's see if I can find the positive....well, at least I HAVE a working computer now - it was out of order the last couple days. At least I didn't cancel the dial-up service prematurely. And at least I ........um......nope. I've got nothing. Except time to go make coffee and toast while each page loads. I'm going to weigh 400 pounds before high-speed gets here!

On the sidewalks of New York

Yesterday we trekked to New York City. The children had never been there, John has been there twice, and I.....well I lived there for six years while I was attending graduate school. Yesterday we had tickets to Radio City Music Hall -so traveled a total of 11 hours to spend 9 hours in The Big Apple.

It was good to be back. Many things had changed - I had a hard time finding non-tourist places to eat. I did drag everyone to Hell's Kitchen to my favorite Chinese restaurant, Westside Cottage II. My girlfriend and I used to eat there frequently when we lived in Times Square. The food was delicious - and cheap; and back then they served FREE wine with dinner - as much as you wanted - and after they got to know you they gave you x-rated fortune cookies. No wine this time, but the food was excellent and they still offer the x-rated fortune cookies! John was delighted with his. Even the children said the chicken lo mein was yummy - and a woman behind the counter said she remembered me!

I did find a few small things had changed in the city, besides the local eateries. I lived there before 9-11, before cell phones, before Starbucks, and before the internet! Let's face it, people - I'm OLD! The flavor and feel of the city was unchanged, though.

I dragged my poor family for miles yesterday - literally. Gabe, my five year old, never complained once, just kept walking. Everyone was awesome. It was a good day.

Today's good, too. I got a letter from my mom -and then I called her. We're ok now, I think. And...I'm waiting for someone to come install high-speed internet!!! Wahoo!

Happy Tuesday!

Small problems

I have a whole new respect for day-care providers and pre-K teachers. How do they do that everyday without large quantities of drugs and/or alcohol???

We had our homeschool co-op yesterday. This semester I'm teaching two classes, Math Games for 1st-4th graders, and a play/learn class for 3-5 year olds. Unfortunately, yesterday I also had to help out with another pre-school class. The woman teaching was running a tad late, so I was surrounded by 6 or 7 pint-sized people. One boy ran up to me, said something unintelligible, then pulled back his foot and kicked me in the shin. As my mouth dropped to the floor and I struggled for control (I figured it wasn't acceptable to kill someone else's kid) he pulled back his foot and kicked me again!!!! At this I grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him into the nearest chair - then knelt down and informed him, in my best threatening voice, that he WILL NOT kick. At this point I realized he had been demonstrating his version of karate to me, because he was quick to inform me that karate people did indeed kick. So I quickly changed my threat to, "You will NOT kick HERE!"

While I was still recuperating from this, another boy ran to the bathroom. Usually not a problem, but this 5 year old apparently is not "wiping" yet - so I was called. With my eyes watering and valiantly trying not to retch, I did the odious deed (odiferous deed?) and considered telling his mother she needed to reconsider her menu selection. Then I got to spend another hour telling children to stop putting toys in their mouths, breaking up fights, calming screaming fits, and dealing with my own whining children (who were apparently in the first stage of illness - they're now camped out on the couch, complaining.) After my last class I sought out a girlfriend and honestly informed her that if my husband were not already "altered" I would be attempting it as soon as I returned home. I think I'll stick to the older kids for a while. At least they're self-wiping.

On a more positive note - this coming Tuesday we should rejoin the 21st century - and get high-speed internet! We're so excited! We've been relegated to dial-up ever since we moved to the country -nothing else is available here. Now there's a wi-fi service that just expanded into the area! Even cell phone coverage is spotty here - it seems to depend on cloud coverage. Sometimes I get no cell signal at all, and other times I get just enough to irritate people because the conversation keeps fading out. Made it quite difficult Thanksgiving week - because Verizon had a problem and we had no phone or internet for over a WEEK! Talk about quiet! That company needs some serious competition. When they finally made it out, it was a 5 minute fix down the street. Gotta love it!

Still not running - but I am baking. Ginger-spice cookies, anyone? Tis the season to expand!

December delights

Ah...cool breezes, a warm fire, hot coffee, fresh biscotti, meat-loaf and chocolate. Children flitting between learning about Greece, Charles V, multiplication and blackjack. The five year old gleefully announcing he's going "commando" today. I think I'm ready for winter. I'd even like to be snowed in for a while - although that's doubtful around here.

I did have to leave my comfortable countryside and head into civilization over the weekend. The homeschool store was having a sale - only 1 1/2 hours away! Passed by several malls on the way home - all with overflowing parking lots. Even the thought of taking the children inside had me hyperventilating. I was sooo glad to get back to the shore - and away from the crowds. Hard to believe I lived in NYC for six years. Actually, I'll be back there next week for a day. I plan on eating my way across town!

My heart's still acting up - mostly whenever I think about my mom. Apparently I'm internalizing a LOT more stress than I let on. Can anyone suggest a meditation book or dvd? If I lose myself in a book my heart rhythm returns to normal - but as soon as my brain clicks on my heart starts doing the cha-cha. I need to find something more long lasting. Lobotomy???

I need to run. Why aren't I? Let's see....1)there's a puzzle in progress on the treadmill 2)I'm nervous about exercising with the funky heart and 3)I keep procrastinating. I'm a really, really great procrastinator. The funny thing is, once I start actually DOING whatever I've been avoiding, it's NEVER as bad as I think it's going to be. I'm still my own worst enemy. {{{sigh}}} So much room for self-improvement - so little time and willpower.

Perhaps I need more chocolate???

Paxton, still un-running

Rising from the ashes...

It has been an incredibly stressful month for me - so much so that my heart rhythm has been annoyingly erratic. I've fallen short of personal goals, had to bury pride and admit failure, my job funding is in jeopardy, my husband is stressed and working 80+ hours a week, my best friend STILL has stage IV cancer, and my mother disowned me - and my children - because I want to change my name to Paxton. Bad month.

And yet, as I look around me this morning, my overwhelming emotion is one of gratitude. There is so much good in my life - sometimes I just need to step back and really acknowledge it. First and foremost is my family: I'm married to my best friend - who for some bizarre reason believes I'm wonderful. We have three incredible children - and are able to homeschool them. I love watching them explore and learn. And cuddles. Cuddles are great. I also love to see all three of them (even the five year old) curled up with a book. We have a housefull of furry critters, wrapping themselves around our legs and our hearts. We have a home that, while still needing renovation (1900's house), manages to nourish our souls. I'm finally managing to keep on top of housework and food - so I feel more at peace. I have good friends - some who have been around for decades, others that will be. I have an outlet for my writing. I have people actually READING my ponderings - and telling me they enjoy them! I can't begin to explain how much joy that brings me.

Life is good. Not perfect, but that's good, too.

I even have a sport! Me - the non-athletic Un-Runner! I think it's time to start off with babysteps on that avenue, as well. I was pushing myself so hard, before. And at 5 miles I get incredible hip pain. After I did the 12.8 miles I couldn't move for two days. I think I need to get back to basics and concentrate on quality, not quantity. My run/walk ratio has decreased to mostly walking, so that I can cover the distance. It's time to concentrate on health and fitness rather than distance. It's time to start applying babysteps to other areas of my life.

It's time.

Paxton, The Un-Runner

Calling all imperfect people!

Yay! Some people are still out there! Thank you!

Last month I mentioned getting inundated with kittens - we actually kept TWO of them, a male and a female. The third kitten was taken directly to the animal shelter -and I was terrified for a week that more would appear. We've named the kittens Hobbs and Molly - and they're quite cute. More importantly - the children are taking care of them! The girls empty the litter box TWICE a day - one girl gets the morning, the other the evening. I ended up making chore charts for the children AND for me (because I'm brain-damaged, apparently, and stand in the middle of the room going, "What should I do now?"). They've really helped us all.

If anyone identifies with my brain-damaged approach to organization, I highly recommend www.flylady.net. She's the one who taught me the importance of babysteps. I must add, I've been learning from her for several (or more) years now - and it's just now starting to sink in. (brain-damaged AND stubborn - don't you envy me?) Actually I tend to jump off the deep end and think I can do things differently, better, by NOT following anyone else's advice. Then I get overwhelmed, then paralyzed by the thought of failing, or wiped out because of super-human effort, and end up right back where I started. I'm slooowly learning that it's better to do something, imperfectly - than to be frozen until I can do it "perfectly".

The need to be "perfect" - or at least to appear perfect - has kept me from really growing and living the life I want. I need to spend less time trying to be perfect - and more time trying to be me!

And having a cute purring kitten on your lap doesn't hurt!

Paxton

The Elusive Un-Runner

So....is anybody still out there? I know I abandoned you for awhile - I'm sorry. I was having growing pains.

This blog has been about setting goals, and reaching them. About succeeding. I didn't feel worthy of posting when I wasn't successful. I'm learning to accept that part of being successful is your reaction to failure. So I'll share my recent milestones with you...

Pro: In July I could barely run/walk to the mailbox, today I've gone 12.8 miles!
Con: I had planned to go 26 miles.

Pro: I raised $1600 for The Wellness Community! Wow!
Con: I was supposed to raise $2500, and planned on $5000. Fundraising was a LOT harder than I thought. Mostly because I HATE asking people for money!

Pro: I met some great people, and had fun doing something I never thought I'd do!
Con: I'm not going to Jamaica to participate in the marathon. They offered to let me go - but this way all the money I raised goes to The Wellness Community, not my trip. I realize it was the journey that I needed - the actual event I don't mind missing.

Pro: I actually enjoy running - how weird is that?

Pro: I love writing, and having people read my ponderings.

Yes, I missed my goals - but I'm still so much better off than where I started. And so is The Wellness Community, thanks to my NOT going to Jamaica. I'm learning to take babysteps to reach my goals, and to NOT strive for perfection. It's working well at home - it's time for me to start applying that to my goals, as well. I'm NOT perfect - and I'm learning to live with it!

Let me know if you're still out there!

Paxton, The Un-Runner